Marriage - A look inside by Nicole McClure

I have been married for 28 years. Many find this to be an anomaly. I am asked often, how… How do you stay with the SAME person for a lifetime? My answer is… spend more time working on yourself while nourishing your relationship with your partner and most importantly, with yourself.

Have more conversations in the mirror. So many people like the idea of FALLING in love. Love is a verb. Love is an action, not an accident. I was an accident-prone child and when I fell, it was not purposeful. Being purposeful to your goal – specific to the marriage covenant is key.

The basis of a marriage is relationship. Marriage is a commitment to an ongoing relationship. It is a Holy union between two souls. It is a physical manifestation of the covenant relationship and family union God desires to have with us. Literally, a contract. In the Bible, an agreement between God and his people, in which God makes promises to his people and, usually, requires certain conduct from them. The conduct of traditional marriages includes being faithful, supportive, loving and a lifelong commitment to the well-being of another person in establishing an additional entity (the marriage itself). Here are a few aspects to highlight to maintain and grow a healthy marriage.

Nicole and Paul

Love– Love is patient, Love is kind, Love does not envy or boast, Love it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Marriage is not perfection. Marriage is imperfection covered by love.

Identity- The basis of a relationship begins with self. Many seek marriage as a solution to what they believe they are missing within themselves. They are not complete without a romantic relationship. While it is healthy to seek, you must also be a healthy INDIVIDUAL to identify the right mate, maintain and grow a healthy relationship with someone else. The “You complete me” concept is an unhealthy concept, in my opinion. It assumes that you are not complete or powerful individually. An unhealthy self perception will be magnified in a marriage. A joining of two powerful beings creates a powerful union. The inside job of developing what you constantly bring to the marriage union is predicated upon growth.  

Growth- Obviously, the spark, sparkle and sizzle of being in the same world with your chosen mate is important but as you age, grow, develop, and reflect, life brings changes. There will be changes in your marriage. I am not the same person I was 28 years ago. Nor should I be. Choosing a mate, you can go through the learning curves and growing pains with is key. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. The way to sustain a healthy marriage that is growing without losing course is by agreeing to, setting, and adhering to the same value system.

ValuesMany single people searching for a mate state they have difficulty finding a compatible mate seeking long term commitment.  Commitment is based on a value system. By definition, it is the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc. The ability to deliver on a commitment is based upon a value system. This is one of the true foundations in a healthy relationship. Having the same value system, morality, and ethics will sustain you through the growing pains individually and as a union. Having the same value system will help you find yourself and your mate as your identity changes over time, morphing due to experiences and transformations. Having the same value system will always lead you back to Love.


A portrait of Nicole McCLure 

Nicole McClure is an experienced Registered Nurse with a Baccalaureate Degree. She also possesses a certification in Public Health Nursing.
She co-owns and operates a Senior Services business. Her business also services over 200 children and adults with disabilities through the State of California. Nicole McClure has also been lead and is in the initial stages of founding a non-profit to manage therapeutic programs for children aging out of the foster care system. Additionally, Nicole McClure recently launched a medical tourism business.

Residents: California, USA


With thanks to spontaneous collaboration of Nicole McClure.

Article : written by Nicole McClure